Sunflowers

There's nothing that sunflowers can't fix 

Fall

Fall is one of those times of the year that make me  appreciate gods creation even more. All the different Colors that stand out on a bright blue sky day. Fall reminds me of being a little kid and running around in the leaves with my brother. My mother used to pick us up and put us in the leave bags so that the leaves would squish down and thats way she could fit more in the bag. Every time she would do that, I remember my high pitched belly laugh would pour out of me. Those times were so happy and bright. These are the memories that I want to remember when I think of fall. Now, fall is full of memories that consent of treatment. The leaves changing their color and the cool air reminds me of the Rcc in Ohio. This week was the week I was admitted  into treatment at the Rcc last year. People don't understand that the memories are so triggering. That place changed my life forever, I don't regret going there. I just want the happy memories back. 

Bad day

                      A bad day comes at least once a week right? My bad days usually consist of something happing in the morning to make me upset or stressed out, then it just starts spiralling down hill. A lot of people will say something to you like "its only a bad day if you make it one", but in that moment thats the last thing i wanna hear. just don't. 

    one thing that i need to be reminded about on my bad days is there is a reason. whats the reason for my car to break down on my way to my appointment, or whats the reason for my coffee to spill all over me this morning? i have no idea, but i can tell you this, God has a reason. there might not be specific answers for the all the things that made it a bad day, but there is always a over all reason. i think Gods overall reason for my bad day today was to get my attention. He wanted me to turn to him with the struggles i have been dealing with lately. the past couple days i have had that voice in the back of my head tell me multiple times, "pray about it, ask god to help you.", and for some reason i kept ignoring it. i told myself that i would figure it out and get through it, even though i knew that wasn't true.

      so although today sucked, i understood why, and i opened my palms and let god help me through it.